Sunday, September 05, 2004
Internet Lesson #2: God and Sex
A week later, after I had recovered from my scare, I worked up the courage and went online again, but this time not to look for erotic stories, but to learn more about what had really happened a week ago. I searched for anything about what sex was, what it entailed, what had happened to my body a week ago, if it was natural, if I could do it again, was it safe to do it again etc. I remember stumbling onto a site that wrote about God and sex.
As a sidenote, as a kid, I was incredibly religious. My parents weren't the church going religious parents, but my mother had been brought up with a protestant education, so she thought her children should have access to the knowledge, but we ultimately had the choice whether to follow it or not. My brother and I went to a Christian school, but we weren't required to go to church to every Sunday, nor did we have to pray before every meal. My brother chose to exercise this right, and rarely did anything religious. I, on the other hand, read the Bible every day, had a ton of verses memorized, learned the Bible doctrine, went to Church every sunday, prayed before every meal. I was obsessive over the stories and teaching of the Bible. During parties, when alcohol was present, I always went around saying that alcohol was bad. My dad always offered my brother and I a sip from his glass. My brother always took his sip and then also took my sip. I always looked at him disgusted.
The day I stumbled onto the website about God and sex, was the first miniscule step towards my unlearning and disillusionment of Christianity. The author went on to pages and pages about the repressive nature of Christianity: its disapprovement of sex, its view of onanistic pleasure. He stipulated the beauty and naturalness of sex, and how in God's eye, it was seen as a dirty necessity that should only be practiced for the sake of procreation. To say the least, I was blown away by what I had read. At first, after my first orgasm, I felt incredibly guilty about what I had done, but days afterward, I felt a sense of calm, peace and a need to do it over again. A strong urge. I was put into unease when I read that God forbid such a pleasure, and in a naive mindset, I thought I had to choose between God and sex. ¶ 8:49 AM
As a sidenote, as a kid, I was incredibly religious. My parents weren't the church going religious parents, but my mother had been brought up with a protestant education, so she thought her children should have access to the knowledge, but we ultimately had the choice whether to follow it or not. My brother and I went to a Christian school, but we weren't required to go to church to every Sunday, nor did we have to pray before every meal. My brother chose to exercise this right, and rarely did anything religious. I, on the other hand, read the Bible every day, had a ton of verses memorized, learned the Bible doctrine, went to Church every sunday, prayed before every meal. I was obsessive over the stories and teaching of the Bible. During parties, when alcohol was present, I always went around saying that alcohol was bad. My dad always offered my brother and I a sip from his glass. My brother always took his sip and then also took my sip. I always looked at him disgusted.
The day I stumbled onto the website about God and sex, was the first miniscule step towards my unlearning and disillusionment of Christianity. The author went on to pages and pages about the repressive nature of Christianity: its disapprovement of sex, its view of onanistic pleasure. He stipulated the beauty and naturalness of sex, and how in God's eye, it was seen as a dirty necessity that should only be practiced for the sake of procreation. To say the least, I was blown away by what I had read. At first, after my first orgasm, I felt incredibly guilty about what I had done, but days afterward, I felt a sense of calm, peace and a need to do it over again. A strong urge. I was put into unease when I read that God forbid such a pleasure, and in a naive mindset, I thought I had to choose between God and sex. ¶ 8:49 AM
Comments:
<< Home
Hey...I stumbled onto your blogger and I couldn't help but read your posts...they are...very interesting. Now, I'm not sure what age you are but it seems to me like you're a very "ignorant" person, not to offend you because I don't mean your stupid but I mean it in the sense that you are not very educated in certain aspects of your life that are very important hence: sex and your own body.
Whether or not this is because of your "religious" side,I do not know for I am a stranger to your life but I do have to agree with your nerve to explore yourself. Keep it up, it's good to know yourself both physically and mentally.
Now, whether or not you agree with me on this, I think that it's up to you to decide but God and Sex are two different issues. There are many restrictions that the bible and Christianity place on man kind and if you choose to follow them blindly it can be bad thing. Hence: ignorance.
Anyway good luck on future "exploritory adventures", I'm sure you'll enjoy them as much or more than masturbation including actual sex with other people.
Whether or not this is because of your "religious" side,I do not know for I am a stranger to your life but I do have to agree with your nerve to explore yourself. Keep it up, it's good to know yourself both physically and mentally.
Now, whether or not you agree with me on this, I think that it's up to you to decide but God and Sex are two different issues. There are many restrictions that the bible and Christianity place on man kind and if you choose to follow them blindly it can be bad thing. Hence: ignorance.
Anyway good luck on future "exploritory adventures", I'm sure you'll enjoy them as much or more than masturbation including actual sex with other people.
# posted by 
: 9:40 AM
: 9:40 AM
I agree with you that I am totally ignorant to certain aspects in my life and that's the reason I started writing this blog in the beginning. A lot of the posts I have been writing are about a time when I was younger, trying to honestly and openly post my thoughts and feelings that I had at that time. They don't necessarily reflect what I feel and have learned in the time since.
Presently, I am a few years removed from that time and have learned a few things, but not much. I am still very shy about my own body and my own sexuality. I would definitely like to change that, and use this forum a dialogue with others. Your comment is exactly the type of suggestions and insights that I am looking for. Please keep responding.
In response to your comment about God and sex being two unrelated things, that was one of the issues that I had to work through for a couple of years of my life. I understand the disctinction now, but during high school, it prevented me from opening and exploring any sexual activities. It caused me great discomfort because Christianity's "sexual activity outside of the heterosexual/ procreation/marriage arena is bad" message had been embedded in my childhood education. When it's part of your beliefs/value system/morals, it's hard to break out of that shell and face the reality of things and explore yourself.
To this day, I still feel it being unconsciously linked for me, sex and the teachings of Christianity. One of the lesson I learned early on was "to respect my body, for it's a temple of God" and I have not been able to work through that. Many of my childhood friends from home were also Christians and in their mid-20s, they are still virgins. It was after I left home that I found friends who were such free sexual beings, I was able to see the different side of things.
Post a Comment
Presently, I am a few years removed from that time and have learned a few things, but not much. I am still very shy about my own body and my own sexuality. I would definitely like to change that, and use this forum a dialogue with others. Your comment is exactly the type of suggestions and insights that I am looking for. Please keep responding.
In response to your comment about God and sex being two unrelated things, that was one of the issues that I had to work through for a couple of years of my life. I understand the disctinction now, but during high school, it prevented me from opening and exploring any sexual activities. It caused me great discomfort because Christianity's "sexual activity outside of the heterosexual/ procreation/marriage arena is bad" message had been embedded in my childhood education. When it's part of your beliefs/value system/morals, it's hard to break out of that shell and face the reality of things and explore yourself.
To this day, I still feel it being unconsciously linked for me, sex and the teachings of Christianity. One of the lesson I learned early on was "to respect my body, for it's a temple of God" and I have not been able to work through that. Many of my childhood friends from home were also Christians and in their mid-20s, they are still virgins. It was after I left home that I found friends who were such free sexual beings, I was able to see the different side of things.
<< Home
