Back into the shell I think that at this point, I want to retreat back into my shell. Back into my comfortable old ways where I had time to read my magazines, read books, brush up on pop culture. All the stuff that I liked to do by myself and not having to rely on someone.

I don't know. it's kind of difficult to want to be with someone when all you really want to do is be with yourself. Are some people just destined to love their own company and not have to rely on someone else?

I see people who are perpetually in relationships and i'm jealous of them. But at the same time, I am happy being by myself. Going out by myself and shopping by myself. i like to do things by myself. Is that such a bad thing? Is life really about relationships or can it be just about enjoying yourself?  ¶ 11:15 PM 0 comments

  Don't Want to See Him Anymore So after my first sexual experience. Two in total, I don't want to see him anymore. I'm interested in the sex yes, but I've decided that I am not the person that will just give it to anybody, which is what I have done now. I feel a certain remorse that I did not have sex the first time with somebody that I REALLY like and could fathom spending some substantial amount of time with, but at the same time, at the age of 23 almost hitting 24, it was dumb and futile to try and extend my virginal life. Besides, I don't want to have sex with somebody that I really liked and not know anything. It would make me feel stupid.

But, in terms of kissing him, I am just not turned on by him. Sure, after a while of kissing, I have a hard on, but I just do not feel any sparks fly when I kiss him. It's almost cold. His lips feel cold, not warm when I kiss him. It is very nice to hold him though.

Anyway, hopefully, something substantial will come along in the future and i will be able to experience TRUE LOVE.

Saying that, I will probably not have sex for the longest time. And truth be told, I might not actually miss it. LOL  ¶ 11:04 PM 0 comments