Heartbreaking Life Lesson Tonight I went to go watch a movie with a very good friend. He had already watched it with his boyfriend, so I already felt bad. I had suggested another movie that we had both not watched, but the time just did not work out. Also, he had been working the whole entire day already, and had not sleeped properly in his bed for the past couple of nights, so I guessed that with the dark comfort of a movie theatre, he would most likely fall asleep as soon as the movie begun.

Even before the movie started, during the previews, I look over and he was sleeping. At this point, I felt somewhat hurt, because when you do something with someone else, you are supposed to be sharing the experience. I felt like we should have watched a movie that neither of us had seen. I'm very particular about movies that I see a second time, so althought it's not a big deal to most people, it was to me.

However, looking back I felt like it was such an immature thought running through my mind. The things it that the two of us are just friends. I like spending time with him and before that, before his boyfriend, we spent a great deal of time together talking, chatting, eating, going out.

Now, when I go out, I feel like the third wheel. The boyfriend is always worried about doing stuff with him in front of me, so he refrains from kissing him, when I know that's what he really want to do. And I can't really gossip with my friend because there is another person there too.

It's just sad that in a situation when there are two best friends and one of them is coupled, the other feels left out. I know a lot f you would say that I should just hang out with my other friends, but truth be told, I don't feel settled in my current place and I don't want to stay here. I want to move to another more accepting city. What was holding me back was the fact that I had so much fun with that friend, but now that friend is unavailble, it's not worth living here anymore, even with a job that I love.

And to add to that, after the movie, he called him to check in as boyfriends always do. I was there, during the conversation, and I knew that they were making plans to meet that night, but when his boyfriend asked my friend what time to pick him up, my friend kind of glossed over it so that I would not think they were meeting up that night right after I dropped my friend at his place. I mean, why would I feel this way? I should not be jealous at all, because they are BOYFRIENDS, in a RELATIONSHIP.

I just like my friend's companionship, not sexually. He is the closest friend that I have that doesn't judge me and makes me feel special. I miss that about him. It's sad to think that maybe we will grow apart if i still feel this way. It hurts.

I know, before anybody comments, yeah, maybe if I were to have a boyfriend or some hobby, maybe i won't feel so lonely.

I know, I know.  ¶ 10:21 PM