Moving on Broken up and moving on. I feel so much more relieved. This virginity thing was going to drive me insane. Now I feel "normal". Now, when does the sex get good? I hear it's only uphill from here!  ¶ 11:44 PM 0 comments

  Back into the shell I think that at this point, I want to retreat back into my shell. Back into my comfortable old ways where I had time to read my magazines, read books, brush up on pop culture. All the stuff that I liked to do by myself and not having to rely on someone.

I don't know. it's kind of difficult to want to be with someone when all you really want to do is be with yourself. Are some people just destined to love their own company and not have to rely on someone else?

I see people who are perpetually in relationships and i'm jealous of them. But at the same time, I am happy being by myself. Going out by myself and shopping by myself. i like to do things by myself. Is that such a bad thing? Is life really about relationships or can it be just about enjoying yourself?  ¶ 11:15 PM 0 comments

  Don't Want to See Him Anymore So after my first sexual experience. Two in total, I don't want to see him anymore. I'm interested in the sex yes, but I've decided that I am not the person that will just give it to anybody, which is what I have done now. I feel a certain remorse that I did not have sex the first time with somebody that I REALLY like and could fathom spending some substantial amount of time with, but at the same time, at the age of 23 almost hitting 24, it was dumb and futile to try and extend my virginal life. Besides, I don't want to have sex with somebody that I really liked and not know anything. It would make me feel stupid.

But, in terms of kissing him, I am just not turned on by him. Sure, after a while of kissing, I have a hard on, but I just do not feel any sparks fly when I kiss him. It's almost cold. His lips feel cold, not warm when I kiss him. It is very nice to hold him though.

Anyway, hopefully, something substantial will come along in the future and i will be able to experience TRUE LOVE.

Saying that, I will probably not have sex for the longest time. And truth be told, I might not actually miss it. LOL  ¶ 11:04 PM 0 comments

  Practice Makes Perfect Today we did it again. He fucked me again. At first, it hurt more than the last time. I thought I would be looser, but that's not true.

We fucked for a short while again, not very long and he came. However, what was different this time was that I saw the faintest inkling of what ENJOYABLE anal sex could feel like.

I also found out today that he is actually not 21 but 27. That's okay, I like that.

And also, he asked me if it would be okay if we were more than friends. I was confused at first, I didnt' quite understand him, but he wants to be boyfriends. I accepted.

LOL

We'll see where this goes, I'm just rolling with it.  ¶ 12:18 AM 0 comments

  Bye Bye Virginity I lost my virginity today, June 3, 2006. I know it was sleazy. But at this age, if I don't get it done, I will never get it done. I met him at the club, on the stage, dancing. It was somwhat bad of me because it was in front of everybody. On stage, there was only my friend and I. My friend's boyfriend decided to come in at around 1:30am and I was stuck with dancing with myself, so I decided to dance with the guy next to me. He was really cute.

He took me outside to talk, and we started to make out. I took down his number. I was going to leave, but my friend kept saying that I was too drunk to leave. So, we stayed a bit. After I got sober, we left for his house. In front of his house, we made out for another 30 minutes or so, before he left.

I thought that was going to be the end of that. I didn't really think he would call. Then, he called this afternoon, and asked me to come over. I was already eating burger with one of my friends, so it wasn't until 3pm that I met up with him. From 4 - 8, we hung around, went to the mall, then to the dyke and then to his house. I wasn't planning on doing anything.

Then, one thing lead to another. We started making out and then he wanted to undress me, so we did.

He had a beautiful cock and at that point, I couldn't stop myself. I just wanted to get it down. I asked him for a condom, but then all of a sudden, I got scared and told him we would just play. Then, I changed my mind and asked him to get the condom. While he was opening the packaging, I sucked on his cock for a little bit.

That was fun.

Then, he lubed up, lubed up my hole and turned me around. With a little effort, he was in, but then he pulled out really quicly and that hurt. I told him to go slowly. This time, he couldn't even get it in because my sphincter had shut down, so he put more lube in. He tried again and this time, he was in.

About seven thurst later, I felt him kiss my back and then pull out. I thought, "Is this it?" I asked him if he had cum and he said yes. I guess he had prematurely ejaculated. I remember thinking, wow, this doesn't live up to it at all.

LOL

Anyway, I thought it was fun. There are some time when I think about it and regret that I didn't have sex with somebody that I knew better, but somebody I knew for about 24 hours as my first time.

I have an inkling I will not see him again from his text messages. I had asked him to come out, but he declined, partly due to the fact that it was going to be touch getting back into the house. That's that and it's time to move on. He will not call anyway, or if he calls, it won't be for anything really.

It really was therapeutic for me because now I am more comfortable with my body.  ¶ 3:00 AM 0 comments

  Is it love? So, I promised to always try and be truthful on this blog. This is not intended to people to read, rather more like an online journal to myself. So here it is.

I can't stop thinking about the friend that I wrote about in the previous post. One day while I was in Boston drinking a little too much, I was fucked up and saying stupid shit. One of the things I remember thinking about was that I NEEDED to call my friend to see what he was doing while I was fucked up. I didn't think about anybody else but him that night while I was drunk.

Then, when I was shopping for things, everybody asked me to bring something back for them, but the only person I brought something back was for him.

Now, I can't stop thinking about him, constantly checking my phone to see if he called. What's happening? Is this what you call love? Or just a need for companionship?

There have been times when I've wondered what it would be like for him to kiss me. But then I get weirded out.

Those are my thoughts.  ¶ 12:36 AM 0 comments

  Heartbreaking Life Lesson Tonight I went to go watch a movie with a very good friend. He had already watched it with his boyfriend, so I already felt bad. I had suggested another movie that we had both not watched, but the time just did not work out. Also, he had been working the whole entire day already, and had not sleeped properly in his bed for the past couple of nights, so I guessed that with the dark comfort of a movie theatre, he would most likely fall asleep as soon as the movie begun.

Even before the movie started, during the previews, I look over and he was sleeping. At this point, I felt somewhat hurt, because when you do something with someone else, you are supposed to be sharing the experience. I felt like we should have watched a movie that neither of us had seen. I'm very particular about movies that I see a second time, so althought it's not a big deal to most people, it was to me.

However, looking back I felt like it was such an immature thought running through my mind. The things it that the two of us are just friends. I like spending time with him and before that, before his boyfriend, we spent a great deal of time together talking, chatting, eating, going out.

Now, when I go out, I feel like the third wheel. The boyfriend is always worried about doing stuff with him in front of me, so he refrains from kissing him, when I know that's what he really want to do. And I can't really gossip with my friend because there is another person there too.

It's just sad that in a situation when there are two best friends and one of them is coupled, the other feels left out. I know a lot f you would say that I should just hang out with my other friends, but truth be told, I don't feel settled in my current place and I don't want to stay here. I want to move to another more accepting city. What was holding me back was the fact that I had so much fun with that friend, but now that friend is unavailble, it's not worth living here anymore, even with a job that I love.

And to add to that, after the movie, he called him to check in as boyfriends always do. I was there, during the conversation, and I knew that they were making plans to meet that night, but when his boyfriend asked my friend what time to pick him up, my friend kind of glossed over it so that I would not think they were meeting up that night right after I dropped my friend at his place. I mean, why would I feel this way? I should not be jealous at all, because they are BOYFRIENDS, in a RELATIONSHIP.

I just like my friend's companionship, not sexually. He is the closest friend that I have that doesn't judge me and makes me feel special. I miss that about him. It's sad to think that maybe we will grow apart if i still feel this way. It hurts.

I know, before anybody comments, yeah, maybe if I were to have a boyfriend or some hobby, maybe i won't feel so lonely.

I know, I know.  ¶ 10:21 PM 0 comments

  I Think Now My Dad Knows I'm Gay My dad is the only one in the family that I have not come out to yet because one day in the car, the topic of homosexuals came up. He was pretty vocal about his opinions about how they were dirty and were scum.

From that day onward, I have not told him anything about my sexuality. He has never asked about whether I have a girlfriend either.

Well, we are in the process of moving. He was kind enough to help me pack some of my books, but I forgot that on my bookcase, there are some queer DVDs. On the covers, there are boys kissing, making out. I can't believe he saw them! Also, there are tons of gay books, fiction and non-fiction.

How can he not know? He is not a stupid man. Plus, I am his child. Like he says, he knows how many worms are growing inside my stomach.  ¶ 2:25 AM 2 comments

  Parent's Fault for the Past? I want to meet a guy, a great, good guy that I can have a great relationship with. You know, the whole roses, candle lights, movie date thing, etc. Maybe I’m still too young for that but it’s how I feel. My religion constantly reminds me of how so wrong homosexuality is—it really gives me the thought that I’ll never find love. Everyone tells me that my time will come. Well, I’ve been waiting for so long that I’m sick of waiting. I’m still hopeful though and wishing.

A Somehow I feel that it is of greater importance to God that we are loving, generous, compassionate human beings than that we don’t go out at night. I don’t know where your mother got such a distorted idea and if that’s how she chooses to live, OK, but the real question for you is this: You are 20 years old, are you going to continue to live a life defined by your mother’s fears and her need to control? Don’t blame your mother. Your life is not her responsibility—it’s your responsibility. I would strongly suggest that you start taking ownership. You can’t say “I have an unhappy life and it’s my mother’s fault.” That just doesn’t work. You can create any life you want to have, and if you need to move a thousand miles away in order to do that—start packing!  ¶ 4:07 PM 0 comments

  Another Resonant Letter Q I am a 16-year-old Asian gay male reader from Australia. I think your advice is extremely useful but sometimes I find it difficult to be so optimistic. I am not out to anyone and the idea of coming out to my parents in the near future is terrifying. I would only come out to people who I know would support me (and there’s really just one). I know I will come out when I’m ready and I’m not ashamed of who I am. But I have an issue with the gay community. I’ve met some gay people from support groups and I think some of them are a bit weird (I don’t mean to be so mean!). Are many gay guys into just looks and one-night stands? How am I supposed to find a partner in a minority of a group that is already a minority? What if I do enrich my life by getting involved out there with people but still don’t find any gay partners? What then? Gay bars are so not my thing. And I don’t even know if I would like guys. I’m sexually attracted to them and that’s all. Sometimes I feel guilty because I like girls so much yet I’m not attracted to them, and I would be dishonest to have a relationship with them. So then what? The likelihood of meeting a gay spouse is uncertain and yet if I pursue a straight relationship, I’m being dishonest! Do I belong in any of the worlds? I know I’m young and should focus on the current times, but I can’t help but think about such a significant part of my future: relationships. And then there’s homophobia, rejection, no gay marriage allowed, no children, etc., etc. to deal with in the future. Boy, will I have the courage to welcome all of that into my life? I’m going to try my best but I don’t know if I can handle being single forever or all the rejection, even from my parents (they would never kick me out but all the misunderstanding and extreme tension). I’m an only child. I’m at this stage in my teen years where the future seems scarier than my peers, and I don’t have enough role models. Another thing. I lost my older sister and best friend to a gay suicide in 1998. My sister only confided her sexuality to me. My parents have never really taken the issue of her sexuality being a significant reason for her giving up on life seriously. They don’t believe that homosexuality is a natural existence. Now that I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’m gay myself, coming out to them in future as their only child left scares me. I seize up just even talking to them about homosexuality because of the negative reaction. They believe that it is an ugly societal aspect and don’t understand that it’s not a choice. I’m also furious at the homophobia, ostracism, and loneliness that drove my sister to do what she did. If gays aren’t being executed or murdered in hate crimes, they’re driven to carry it out themselves. I know gay suicide isn’t uncommon but I certainly never hear about it. Talk about pathetic media awareness. I feel so alone. What should I do about this tragedy?

A There’s no question that your circumstance is an extremely challenging one and I am very sad to hear about your sister—indeed a heartbreaking family story. I can see why it is difficult for you to be optimistic about your life right now; however, I do want to remind you that no matter what the circumstances—there is always possibility, even if you can’t see it right this moment. I understand that it can be very difficult to be Asian and gay: the culture is not always sympathetic and I get similar letters on the subject from Asian men and women in this country, as well. In the States, there are many places, particularly smaller towns, which are very conservative and homophobic. For the most part, the bigger cities have large gay communities where it is possible to lead a good, full life surrounded by understanding and support. Often, I suggest to young gay people living in areas where they are misunderstood and judged for their sexual orientation that they relocate to a place where they can have the life they want to have. Now, I don’t know if the same thing is true in Australia—though there are certainly large gay communities in Melbourne and Sydney—and I do know how difficult it can be to consider leaving one’s home, particularly as an only child, but it is something for you to think about. I truly believe that our most important assignment in this lifetime is the care of our own soul, and we certainly are not doing that if we are living a life that is miserable, a life in which we cannot be our true selves. Also, I would certainly encourage you to give up any feelings of guilt you have about liking women. Just because you don’t feel sexually attracted to women doesn’t mean that they can’t be a wonderful and important part of your world. I know many gay men whose closest, most intimate friends are women. So, again, you have a challenging circumstance, but there is always the possibility of change. It may require some bold moves and courage on your part in order to have a truly happy life. I hope that’s what you choose.  ¶ 3:59 PM 0 comments

  Cynthia O'Neil Out.com Posting Q. I’m 23 years old and have been single my whole adult life. I live in a small town so it is hard to find someone of quality to date. I’ve dealt with the loneliness of it for so long now that when opportunities appear I get freaked out by the thought of being with someone and having to deal with the issues that I’ve seen other couples deal with, and that tends to make me think that I don’t want a relationship at all. I have done fine on my own this long—is it really worth being with someone at all? Is it right that I feel this? Or could it be that I have just grown so accustomed to being by myself that I don’t want to compromise myself for someone that may or may not be right for me?

A The whole tone of your letter is that of a very elderly man. You’re only 23 years old, for heaven’s sake! You most likely have a lot of life ahead of you! I certainly don’t think it’s absolutely necessary for everyone to be in a relationship. It’s definitely possible to have a terrific single life. However, I would suggest, particularly young as you are, that you think about some therapy, a little exploration of what’s really going on. If you are avoiding relationships because that is truly your choice, that’s one thing. If you’re avoiding them because of fear—that’s something else.



As you can tell, this is exactly what i'm feeling. It's 12:18 AM in the morning and I actually have a training session tomorrow morning, meaning, I actually have to get up in 6 hours and get ready. But, I think this is more important in my personal development. I have moved onto a position where I will be training, coaching and directing people. However, I feel that in order to be able to relate to other people, I need to fix myself first, or at least have some "therapy" for my insecurities. Only when I am past my personal insecurities will I be able to communicate effectively with other people.

I am definitely a very elderly person. When I go out or when I hang out with people my age, there are times when I am labeled the prude. The cautious one. The one who does not live by the seat of his pants. I really need to explore what's really going on with why I feel that I am avoiding relationship.

Firstly, I am still no out to my father and I am still living at home. I like to live a very comfortable lifestyle and am relying on him too much. I need to move out. I used to live on my own for a couple of years while living at college, but since moving back home, I have gone back to the same cycle that I did before I left. Basically, it's kind of ironic, but I need to grow up to stop being so "elderly" in my thinking. I think i'm in a perpetuating cycle as well. I use that as an excuse not to be in a relationship because I don't want my dad to find out, but also, I am just plain insecure with my sexuality and my own physical sexuality. I need to see it more as a beautiful part of me and not a sacred do not touch part of me that perhaps was instilled in myself due to my religion. That's why I have turned so violently against my religion, because I still feel it hampers my development. But so far that turning of my back has not been particularly helpful in my development. So maybe it's just time to embrace the religion. Understand that the 'religion" is not somthing that should be taken literally but as a set of "good practices" that allow you to live a considerate life taking into account the well being of others. Basiclaly, almost setting up your own "religion". Sex, dating and love are all a part of everybody. I need to embrace it, accept it and lighten up the situation.

I can't say that I haven't been trying to be social. I have connected with others, gone out and tried to widen the circle of friends. But, then I fall back into the trap of retreating back into my safe shell. i dont' push myself because I feel uncomfortable and unwilling to take risks because of my "home". Perhaps my current move will shake and rattle things up more.

I will try to use this as my therapy, because I would rather not go to a therapist. I don't necessarily want a lot of people to read it, but perhaps if you do stumble on this, leave my some thoughts. I'm currently looking for support right now, and just even a hi would suffice. The next line i've typed but deleted so many times: but I HAVE to write it. I am so lonely right now, although I'm surrounded by people.  ¶ 12:18 AM 0 comments

  Tough Love Today felt like it was an early Valentine's day. At work, every one was couple and in love it was sickening. To top it all up, the object of my affection is now going out with another guy, so I have to back off now. How am I going to be able to work with him now, when all I want to do when I see him is take him to the back room and ravage him crazy?

First off, all my co-workers significant others all dropped in to visit. We had a new shipment of product, so many they all came in to try stuff on. It's kind of depressing when everybody that you come into contact with is happy and in a commited relationship and all you can do is stand back and try not to cringe.

One girl came in with her fiance and was looking at a fake fur hooded parka. She loved it so much, she asked her fiance if she could buy it. The fiance said yes and she was so happy that she kissed him right at the cash registers while I was ringing them out. It was incredibly sweet. I was jealous.

All I ask is that someone show some interest in me. That's it. Some interest. Some drama in my life would be nice.

All I can do is sit here and complain. People give me advice to live my life. I am. I still dont' understand what I'm doing wrong. I will live a loveless existence.  ¶ 2:22 AM 0 comments

  The Porn I Love I hate animalistic grunting porn. You watch a lot of the Falcon porn movies and it's all just a big turnoff. Granted the guys are fun to look at (some, at least the ones one aren't not pumped out on steroid), but there's no feeling in it at all. It's all a mechanical plowing action, no kissing, no real touching of bodies, no locking of eyes, just the occassional ass slap from the top.

I love the porn where there's lots of kissing, lots of eye gazing. You don't see a lot of that, especially when the camera seems to want to focus on the thrusting of a penis into a hole. That's boring. I'm more interested in the pains and pleasures registering on the guys' face. I want to see their reactions to each movement. Their grunts, their groans, their sweat dripping off their brow. That's what makes porn hot. I want to see the two of them kiss. I want to hear their whispers into each other's ear. I want to see that the top cares for the bottom, to go faster when he's ready for a riding of his life, or to go slower when he needs a break. Do you hear my porn companies? How about some SENSITIVE GAY sex?  ¶ 9:31 PM 0 comments

  Update on "The Boy" So, the boy has decided that he does not want to work at my office anymore, and is heading on to other things. Totally sad. The other day, I couldn't stop giggling in front of him, it was ridiculous. It got so bad that at one point, he questioned me about my giggling, wanting to be filled in on what was it that I always found so funny. Good thing is that at work, I'm very happy go-lucky and am very smiley with just about everyone, so I was able to pass it off as it just being part of my personality. Chapter closed, even before it begun.  ¶ 6:29 PM 0 comments

  Online Personals Part 1 of ? So, tonight was the first night that I ventured onto an online dating site. A lot of my gay friends are always constantly on it, telling me that they are always meeting new friends and people using the sites. I went on a couple of times before and found it nothing worth while. As well, I used to watch my friend chat on the site, and it was like an absolute meat market. The first thing that comes across the wire is "STATS..." and then you're supposed to enter all your physical measurements. How lame. LOL

Anyway, I thought I would give it a try, but to not actually use it as the sex alley. Rather, I decided that I was going to use the experience as a way to see whether I was socially retarded when it came to dealing with carrying on a conversation when slight faint smell of romance is thrown in the mix. I took a better picture of myself, and posted it. I made my personal semi-interesting and submitted my obligatory "About me" life story. Fun times.

I got quite a couple of PMs in the first few minutes. Quite interesting to say the least. I got into a couple of conversations with some of them and added a handful to an e-mail account that I could keep in touch with. The lesson was that I managed to carry on a decent conversation, being somewhat of interest to the other person. So, I guess the next step would be actually doing a face to face conversation when I meet somebody of interest.

I'll keep you updated as things progress.  ¶ 9:52 PM 0 comments

  Coming Out Since "coming out" seems to be such a important part of the "gay experience", I thought I would add my little post-it story to the world wide bulletin board. The first person I came out to was Dannelle. It was the freshman year of college, summer break. Her and I were the only two of our posse that had stayed behind to take some summer classes. Basically, we didn't want to go home to our parents and siblings just yet. We were loving college. During the last two weeks of semester while everyone was going about studying for their exams, my classes afforded me a lot of leisure time, that I spent walking around the city. It would just be me by myself, thinking and looking at the passing strangers, one of my favorite past times. As well, I got a lot of time to do some personal reflection. At the end of May, pretty much all of our friends had left, and summer school hadn't started, so we spent a lot of time together; regularly going out to this seedy little bar to dance the night away (gay club, but I pretended I just liked going for the pop music!!! - how gay was I?)

One day, the internet connection in her room down the hall did not work, so she came into my room to check her e-mail and watch some TV. It was HOT outside, so we decided to turn on the air conditioning really high and just stay in. I was sitting on the bed, kind of blankly staring at the TV. I had made up my mind a few days ago that I would come out to my parents this summer when I went back home, but I had not planned to tell Dannelle anything until the fall when we got back from our summer breaks. However, I was just so excited by the prospect of coming out of the closet, that i sat up and said, "Hey Dannelle, I have something to tell you. I like guys."

She said, "Yeah, I have a crush on my next door neighboor Jim too." Luckily, her reaction was pretty consistent with what other people's reaction have been. It seems that all of my roommates had pretty much guessed my sexuality, they seemed to know instinctually. During Thanksgiving, one of them actually had come out to his parents as well. At that moment, I was elated. It's incredibly cliche, but I did feel that "boulder lifted off my chest" feeling. For a moment, I felt like I was floating above myself, looking down at myself. My first time admitting out loud that I was gay was an extremely out of body moment for me.

From then on, we grew almost inseperable. Best friends. We spent countless hours talking in our rooms, down in the cafeteria. We went out to try and nab her her next door neighbour and me another catch.

I felt that it was a good idea to come out to Dannelle first, before going back home and telling my parents. At the end of the summer, on the plane trip back home, we experienced quite a bit of heavy turbulence, but unlike other times, it did not disturb me. I was so happy with having coming out of the closet, I was too consumed with happiness to go home and tell all my friends and family the news. It was the best summer of my life, I felt I was on the cusp of an exciting and big adventure.  ¶ 1:22 AM 1 comments

  The Boy At work, one of our branch offices closed down for renovation, so we received some temporary transfers. I had seen Kevin on previous occassions when I went to their offices, and sometimes he would come with his mother to mine. The first time I met him, there was the gay vibe. I mean, who shops with their mother on their days off?

However, at our location, the vibe has changed. I am one of only two male employees at the office, so the rest is staffed by females. He does not flirt with the girls at all, but in our interactions, it all seems very straight. I think it has partly do with the level of professionalism we are trying to show one another.

The other day, during my half hour break, I was having dinner when he comes into the staff area for his fifteen. We were alone. I had glanced at the clock out of the corner of my eyes, and noticed that it was 5:40. We got to talking, and I found out that he was taking general studies at UBC.

Conversation was very easy, we talked about designer brands, psychology, New York, San Francisco and on and on. I have never in my life had conversation flow out of me like it did at that time. And
weird thing is too that we got to talking about personal topics, BESIDES
WORK. Which is very very interesting on my part at least, because I always
find it hard to not talk about work with the people here, but with him, it's
different, especially since it had only been the second shift that I had worked with him. Not only on my part, but he divulged quite a few particular personal details as well.

After awhile, I glanced back up at the clock to see if my break was up, and I noticed it was 6:00pm, closing time. People were started to trickle into the staff area to pick up their belongings to call it a day, so our conversation had to end, but it seemed that he had taken some "extra time" on the clock. Interesting.

The honest truth is that I have a small crush on him. The thing is that it's all so inexplicable because he is only 19. A youngin'. I was talking to my friend about how I am attracted to people older, more mature because I felt so naive most of the time. But, then he pointed out that Kevin seemed really young, and mature. The way he carries himself, speaks, and acts, I had NO IDEA that he was so young.

We'll see how this goes. Since that encounter, I have not had any shifts that coincided with his.  ¶ 8:58 PM 0 comments

  Hypocritic During the summer of 2004, I moved to L.A. to scope out the film and televion industry. One of my good friends from high school studies at USC, psychology. Recently, he has been interested in classes dealing with sexuality, and the GLBT experience. Mainly, queer theory. Well, this was the summer of the Bush administration, Farenheit 9/11 and all the controversy over gay marriage.

One time, we got into a heated arguement about queer theory. To be honest, I am one of those traditional values people, somebody who's looking for that special someone to share the rest of my life with. The "heterosexual dream" if you will. Granted, I supported gay marriage, but I was not necessarily a person that thought of marriage as the be all and end all of life. I felt that we should be able to choose whether we wanted to get married to our significant others, even if it mean of the same sex. My friend, on the other hand, felt that gay marriage was wrong. Granted, I understood where he was coming from, all that stuff about trying to equate queer sexuality with that of a heterosexual relationship was detrimental to gay rights, but it was something that I felt could help with gay rights. Anyway, I don't want to get into all of that right now. What really ticked me off was that he started attacking me for having this "ideal" of only one partner that I wanted to spend my life with and no other.

During this arguement, he called me a coward for not coming out to my parents sooner, not expicitly telling my dad that I was gay, and attacked my choice of profession. There were more personal attacks, but I don't want to list them all here, and would rather not visit them again. To cut a long story short, I was distraught hearing the hurtful words coming from the mouth of what I would say was my "best friend". While I was driving that day, arguing with him on the cellphone, I started crying uncontrollably and almost got into a car accident had I not parked to the side of the road. That day, I told him that I did not want to talk to him anymore.

It's been nearly five months now, and the other day, I stumbled onto his livejournal website. Usually he writes in english, but just after I stopped talking to him, he started a new blog written in Chinese, that I don't fully understand. Lo and behold, I find out that he's fallen head over heels with a guy named Josh, whom he met when he went to Taiwan. He brought him along for a vacation with his mom and on his livejournal, he writes endless poems about undying love, until death do us part and "you're the only one". As a parting gift, because he had to leave Taiwan to go back to L.A., he bought Josh matching rings, both engraved with their nicknames so that in the future, "they will always remember that time they had together" and that their "bond will never be broken/forgotten". There are even post-coital pictures on the livejournal.

I just cant' believe that he said all that shit, and brought me down and guess who's been bitten by the love bug. What an asshole. What a hypocrite. I hope he gets his heart broken badly.

I deserve an apology for the hateful and mean things he said. But I am not going to grovel. My care for this "friend" has officially ended, I am never going to read or hear anything about him again. No sympathy.

*I know it's an angry post, but I needed to vent*

  ¶ 2:48 PM 1 comments

  My First Porn Video His name was Raoul. He was tall, dark and tan. Dark hair, Greek features. The last scene of the movie was of Raoul and a blond big boobed bimbo walking hand in hand down the beach. My memory of the rest of the video is fairly vague, but that name will always stick with me...RAOUL.

It was Christmas break and some of my good family friends were visiting my brother and I in Vancouver. They were an older brother and a younger sister. Naturally, I had a strong bond with the sister. We spent a lot of the time reading through books and magazines. We went full out in the decorations for the fireplace area, making Print Shop computer banners, hanging stocking and arraging the mistletoe with garlands of sparkle, cranberries and dried fruit. My brother and the other friend spent their time playing computer games.

During the holiday season, my parents threw a lot of parties, a lot of grown up drinking and chatting downstairs, so us children were left to fend for ourselves. These were long affairs, with lots of sleepy, bloated, drunken adults by the end of the night. For us, this was a great time, because this meant a lot of unsupervised time.

One night, while my friend and I were boredly flipping through the TV channels, we happened to get to the 100s and into the PPV channels. At this time, my parents had bought the PPV package, so we had all the access to the channels at all times. It was around 10pm, so all the regular PPV movies were replaced with adult fare. A lot of it was soft-core at the time, so the one we happened on was the particular movie featuring RAOUL. It was an incredibly corny and horribly cheesy video. I was AWFUL. I remember soft focusing, white billowing drapes, candlelight and Raoul riding a horse, with his white shirt billowing in the ocean breeze, his long wild hair flying in front of his face. RAOUL was a beefcake, that fantasy man that straight woman seem to fancy quite a bit, the ones pictures on the front of Dannelle Steele books.

Anyway, my friend and i couldn't stop giggling while watching it. We saw Raoul poke and prod his tongue down the blond bimbo's mouth. We saw him licking circles around the iris of the nipples. We saw him squeeze her breasts so hard that she yelped with pain (I wasn't sure back then). It was all very risque, but very funny to us.

It took us three nights to actually finish watching the whole thing. The first time we happened on to it, it was near the end, the next night, we watched the middle and the third, we watched the beginning. Everytime we watched it, we had to hold pillows to our mouths to suppress our squeals of horror/delight/shock. The TV was in my parents room, which looked out onto the stair landing, so one of us had to be on lookout for an adult that might be heading up the stairs.

For the week after that, it was an inside joke between the two of us, whenever wanted to make the other laugh, we would look at each other, at coo out loud : RAOOOOOOUUUULLLL.....

  ¶ 11:03 PM 1 comments

  My First Gay Couple My mother, my brother and I were watching an 8pm showing of Sunset Boulevard. It was at a new venue, so it had been getting a lot of press. My mother had a great love affair with the theatre, so she used to take us to a lot of plays and musicals. She was a member of the center, so we were there for the opening night. During the intermission, we were out in the lobby, doing the whole restroom break/mingling thing, when I saw my mother staring at a couple standing towards the side, talking to each other. She noticed me looking at them, and she said, "It's too bad." I didn't understand what she meant. She went on to to clarify. "You see, the beautiful ones, they are all gay".

Needless to say, I was floored. In my mind, I knew what gay people were, but I thought they lived in a faraway place. I had never seen one in my "backyard" let alone a couple. While my mother and my brother went to the washroom, I just stood in the foyer, periodically trying to steal glances at the couple. They were an extremely well-heeled couple, around their 30s. They were well-groomed, dark features, and I remember them being very tall. Their body language in no way seemed to show that they were a couple; I thought my mother must have been mistaken.

Then, just as the bell rang for the audience to go back in, I stole one last glance at them. I then noticed for one slight instant, one of them put his arm on the other's back. They were a couple, undoubtedly.   ¶ 9:53 PM 2 comments

  My First Female Role Model My best friend for many of my younger years was a girl named Jenny Harder. We were inseperable. At lunch times, we could be found in the sand box baking fake sand pies or climbing in the trees to look at robin's nests. We sat right beside each other in class and shared all our shiny school supplies: the metallic or smelly stickers, the neon highlighters, the zigzag scissors. We got in trouble together, skipping classes by hiding outside in the corn field adjacent to our school, looking up into the blue skies cloud searching.

What I like most about her was her family. In fact, her mother was one of the most influential people in my life. After school, i loved going to her house to see what new project her mother was working on. Mrs. Harder was one of the most creative, tender-hearted, welcoming, joyous and inspiring people that I knew. She was always planning different crafts for us to do everyday after school. One day, it might be painting a dollhouse, another baking plum tarts and another to decorating styrofoam balls with sequins for Christmas. Her house was littered with the family's art projects, hanging on the wall, the ceiling or jutting from the floor.

I found comfort in their house because over there, I found a female figure that was extremely "girly". My mom, on the other hand, was a very masculine figure in my family. She was the one who went out to work, while my dad stayed home and took care of us. So, I was never exposed to the baking, the sewing, the arts and crafts aspect of a "normal" mom. Coming from an asian background, the arts just did not exist.

So, it was at Jenny's house that I learned the great art of color-coordination, that a few sequins go a long way. How to dress dolls for different special occassions. What turns an otherwise normal apple pie into a spectacular melt in your mouth affair. Basically, all the how-tos to becoming a "fabulous queen".
  ¶ 9:33 PM 1 comments

  What Are Those Yellow Stains? In elementary school, my teachers were all mostly female. The male teachers were usually the principal or teaching gym. However, this one teacher taught social studies. The class was always in the afternoon, sometime around 2pm.

When he was teaching, he was always very animated with his hands and his gestures. He had a lot of energy, jumping from one side of the chalkboard to the other, raising his hands above his heads, pointing to different maps and charts. I think he was so enthusiastic in order to keep us awake. Trying to teach a bunch of elementary school students geography an hour after lunch and an hour before school was let out definitely required a sincere patience and determination.

However, with his hand gesticulations towards the air, we noticed yellow stains under his armpits. It was very peculiar because he was the homeroom teacher, meaning that he took attendance for our class in the morning. At that time, the underarms of his shirts were always white, but during our class in the afternoon, it would always be stained.

After a few weeks of noticing this, people started to talk and question. In particular, I remember one afternoon after school while we were waiting for our parents to pick us up, a bunch of us were wondering what those yellow stains were. Somebody mentioned that it must be the yellow chalk that he uses, it rubs off from his hands whenever he crosses his arm. Another person thought that it was because he didn't wash his shirts everyday. Nobody knew what it was. Everybody was stumped.

Eventually, one of the kids went home to ask his mother, but the mother only said that it was "a sign of growing up". He brought this answer back to us, but nobody felt satisfied with the answer. When would we have yellow stains under our armpits? Does everybody get them? Do girls get them? Why is it yellow?

Eventually, people stopped asking questions, but instead started to snicker during class whenever the teacher raised his hands. At first, everybody tried controlling it, but it was hard. At first he didn't know what people were smiling at, but one day it dawned on him. Then, he started wearing darker colored shirts or sweaters over the light shirts. After that, nobody said anything else anymore.  ¶ 7:53 PM 0 comments

  Internet Lesson #2: God and Sex A week later, after I had recovered from my scare, I worked up the courage and went online again, but this time not to look for erotic stories, but to learn more about what had really happened a week ago. I searched for anything about what sex was, what it entailed, what had happened to my body a week ago, if it was natural, if I could do it again, was it safe to do it again etc. I remember stumbling onto a site that wrote about God and sex.

As a sidenote, as a kid, I was incredibly religious. My parents weren't the church going religious parents, but my mother had been brought up with a protestant education, so she thought her children should have access to the knowledge, but we ultimately had the choice whether to follow it or not. My brother and I went to a Christian school, but we weren't required to go to church to every Sunday, nor did we have to pray before every meal. My brother chose to exercise this right, and rarely did anything religious. I, on the other hand, read the Bible every day, had a ton of verses memorized, learned the Bible doctrine, went to Church every sunday, prayed before every meal. I was obsessive over the stories and teaching of the Bible. During parties, when alcohol was present, I always went around saying that alcohol was bad. My dad always offered my brother and I a sip from his glass. My brother always took his sip and then also took my sip. I always looked at him disgusted.

The day I stumbled onto the website about God and sex, was the first miniscule step towards my unlearning and disillusionment of Christianity. The author went on to pages and pages about the repressive nature of Christianity: its disapprovement of sex, its view of onanistic pleasure. He stipulated the beauty and naturalness of sex, and how in God's eye, it was seen as a dirty necessity that should only be practiced for the sake of procreation. To say the least, I was blown away by what I had read. At first, after my first orgasm, I felt incredibly guilty about what I had done, but days afterward, I felt a sense of calm, peace and a need to do it over again. A strong urge. I was put into unease when I read that God forbid such a pleasure, and in a naive mindset, I thought I had to choose between God and sex.  ¶ 8:49 AM 2 comments

  My First Orgasm I Thought I Was Dying When I discovered the stories online, I was completely oblivious to the male orgasm. The stories described men "cumming" and "cum" spewing onto "his stomach". But then, some authors spelled it as "cum", other as "come". The first couple of times I masturbated, I only brought myself to the pre-orgasm state, where I started shaking, but nothing came out of my penis. I thought that was the "climax" that the stories had talked about.

The third masturbation session, when I reached the pre-orgasm stage, I decided that this felt too good to me to stop. I kept on stroking, and then all of a sudden, I didn't have any control over my body anymore and a white sticky substance came out of my penis. I thought I was going to drop dead and die on the spot.

I was incredibly mortified by what I had done. I wiped myself done as quickly as possible, hid the printed stories away in a heavy book on my bookshelf and ran downstairs to the living room. I rationalized that if I died, at least, I would be in front of my parents and they would know right away. For two hours, I just sat, livid, staring at the TV as it played music videos. I prayed to God that if I lived until after dinner, I would be forever grateful.

That night, I was so surprised that I was alive. As soon as dinner was over and my parents retired to the living room to watch TV and my brother went to the game room to play the Genesis, I went to my room and pulled out the printed erotic stories. I couldn't throw the words into the garbage for fear of anybody finding out, so the only choice I had was to rip the pages into small pieces and flush it down the toilet. It took me quite a bit of time, I ripped it into such small pieces for fear of clogging up the drain and exposing myself to anybody.  ¶ 8:47 AM 1 comments

  Sex on the Beach That was the title of the first full blown sexual anything I had ever read, seen or heard. This was past the time of the BBS system and Compuserve now offered connection to the "internet". The "it" catchphrase was "the web". The novelty was being able to go to a page, then click on another link and it would direct you to another site. There was no such thing as a search engine yet. The first HTML pages were incredibly crude, very simple HTML sites with interesting color combinations, red text with black background, white text with purple background, black text on psychedlic cosmic color swirls. Pictures were scarce because on a 28.8/56.6 modem, one picture took half an hour to load.

I don't remember how I stumbled onto the page, but one day, I eventually found myself on a gay male erotic fiction page. The author of the page had written a bunch of stories, and wanted to publish them somewhere. Unprepared and uneducated as to what "erotic fiction" actually was, I randomly clicked on a link.

What came on screen was a REVELATION. The blase title didn't do justice to the story. Come to think of it, perhaps it was actually an incredibly poorly written piece, but at that time, I was riveted but the vivid descriptions of caressing, touching, kissing, fondling, eye contact, flesh upon flesh, and groans.

At this age, I knew sex was necessary to create babies, but did not know the actual technicalities of the act. Furthermore, coming from a Christian school, it was always stressed that the natural relationship was a monogamous one between a man and a woman. Every sentence I read, was another shattering strike to my wholesome, naive, innocent, Christian upbringing.

The story was about a random late summer afternoon sexual encounter on a beach. A 22 year old is sunning on the beach with his family when he notices another slightly older boy staring at him through the corner of his eye. He stares back and is intrigued. Eventually, the other boy wanders off, and the 22year old decides to follow. A few minutes later, they encounter each other near an abandoned life guard station, and a heavy sexual tryst ensues: oral sex, the 69 position, no anal sex. The author was so adept at describing the sex that I didn't know the official "69 position" term for the position the boys were in until quite a time later.

I don't quite remembering how the story ends; it was fairly long. Reading the first part of the story was absolutely exhausting, my virgin mind trying to formulate the position, the scenes of the story. I distincly remembering actually not being able to finish the story, and I had to print it out: four pages, single space, double sided. Back then, I had one of those bubble jet printers, which took minutes per page. With one hand on the mouse button ready to cancel the print job, my eyes were glued to the hallway wall on the lookout for any of my family members' shadows.

It took me nearly two days to finish the story. I always felt a weird, somewhat new, sensation in my stomach area and I was always exhausted after only a couple of paragraphs. Little did I know what I was getting myself into.
  ¶ 7:11 PM 0 comments

  My Digital Sexual Education I was a product of the digital information revolution. At an early age, I had great access to computer technology and a lot of friends who were proficient in the technology of the day. I remember when everybody had a BBS system and it was so amazing to be able to dial up to one of the boards and play the word adventures games. It was all so amazing to me.

Then, came the trio of AOL, Compuserve and Prodigy. My hometown was actually pretty advanced when it comes to connectivity technology, so everybody was on the service in the area. Initially, I joined Compuserve and loved it. It offered all the basics, and more importantly, it also had a great and extensive movie media section. One day, I was surfing randomly when I stumbled upon a personals section. It was a treasure trove of just pictures of random guys. I never worked up the courage to chat with anyone online because there were always these news stories about young kids being picked up by strangers on the internet. I was afraid that I would succumb to such a trap.

Mostly, the pictures were older men, in their later 20s and early 30s. It was an awakening to say the least.

Out of pure boredom, I persuaded my family to switch up the online service, changing to AOL and then prodigy. Of course, those two other services had great online entertainment content, but it didn't seem to have a burgeouning personals section. I had no other media outlet that allowed me to explore my new feelings, so in the end, I returned back to Compuserve. For nearly 4 or 5 years, Compuserve served as a sexual education that would not be taught in my school's sex ed class.  ¶ 11:15 AM 3 comments

  What Joel Taught Me About Body Odor... Nobody knew it, but I always had a crush on Joel. This was in Christian elementary school. Since I was one of the younger ones in the class because of my late birthday, he became my older brother. If any bullies from the higher grades picked on me during lunch, all I needed to do was tell Joel and they didn't bother me anymore. Joel had sway over the older kids because he was a jock who played on the older kids' soccer team. In fact, come to think of it, he was good at every sport. There was no losing if you were on his team. He was a one man powerhouse player. At the same time, like any older brother, he would constantly tease me. He knew I had a worm-phobia, and would sometimes creep up to me and try to scare me with fresh, reeling worms that he dug from the sand pit.

Joel looked like an Olympic greek god with his blue eyes, lightly tanned skin and medium length blond hair. I was constantly amazed by the energy that he had, always running around, never without a soccer ball far from reach. In total, we were in the same classes for four years. We got closer in that during the last few years, he had trouble keeping up with his studies. He asked for help, and I became a tutor.

All this time, we were growing up, our bodies were changing, and I was just starting to discover the male body. The most vivid and poignant memory that I associate with Joel was his body odor. Honestly, I was an academic kid, never the one who liked to run five feet, let alone sweat. So, it was during the after-lunch tutorial sessions when I would go over the reading assignments and occassionally, I would smell something that repulsed me and attracted me at the same time. Back then, I could only associate the unpleasantness sweat stink with mould, stinky feet and wet dog. But then, sometimes the air around him tasted like sugarared water on my tongue . I didn't know whether to hold me breath or move in closer while going over sentence structures.

Eventually, there was a change in administration at our school, his parents didn't like the new top tier personnel, so he moved to a school in another city.   ¶ 8:37 PM 0 comments

  Pre-School "Crushes" There were two boys that I liked in pre-school/elementary school. Interestingly, both of them were of Japanese-caucasian descent.

Jonathan:

Johnathan had long blond/brown beautiful straight hair that just reached his shoulders. His eyes looked like they should have belonged to a a girl, long, long thick lashes and perpetually eyelined. Piercing green eyes. He and I were always inseperable, from the early mornings, when our parents would switch off being the carpool driver, to after school time, when we would spend time over at each other's houses until our parents finished work. My first sleep over was over at his house, where it was fun to watch his plump Caucasian mother interact with his skinny Japanese bespectacled father. He taught me the joys of M&M's, Skittles and Mario Brothers video games.

The car that his mother drove had the most comfortable seats I've ever ridden in in my young life. It was this humoungous Cadillac with red velvet seats that were so plush, I nearly disappeared when I sat on them. He and I would sit in the back, with a mound of school toys and books between us. Sometimes, it was the class rabbit that sat in between us. I remember those days well.

I lost contact with Jonathan after I moved to a different school.

Patrick:

Patrick was always tanned. He had military cut short dark brown hair, with light hazel eyes. He had this striking smile, with beautiful white teeth that contrasted with his dark skin color. We were both the only asian (him half) people in the class so we got along. I sat right next to him. There were these activity stations that we had to rotate between every 15 minutes and I was always his partner. We washed and chopped celery for the "ants on the tree" snacks we had to make for the class. We played dress up together in the box theatre and we finished the multiplication tables together. After school, we had KUMON together at the same community center.

One day, during one of the activity times, we were assigned to the multiplication tables center, which was right beside the bathrooms. We had done the tables a millions times before, and being KUMON schooled, we were fast pros at completing the chart. When we finished everything, we were bored to death. So, we decided to move onto the next activity center earlier: dress up. That day, I was to be the baby, and Patrick was to be the father. I remember going to the bathroom, sitting on the toilet, and wrapping myself up in toilet paper to simulate a baby wrapped in its blanket. Ever few minutes, father Patrick would come in and check to see if the baby was crying or having a fit. Eventually, the teacher caught on to our skipping activity time antics, and came in to the bathroom to put an end to our pretend time. She gave us both time out, but that was okay, because I got to spend the time with Patrick sitting on the time out couch in silence.

I know, I know. It all sounds so twisted, but it was not. It was all done in young, innocent fun. I was too young to know what attraction was.   ¶ 1:37 PM 2 comments

  My first sexual attraction The first time I noticed I was a bit "odd" was watching "Wishmaster". I was back in my hometown, where there was absolutely nothing to do; so I went to the video store and picked out a rental based solely on the box cover. I have always hated scary movies, and to this day, I still have no idea why I picked something that would prevent me from going to bed at night. However, that day, the monster head on the box cover appealled to me and I didn't have much choice, since it was one of the few english titles that the video store had. I distinctly remember first watching the movie during the daytime, sometime after lunch. I was summering in a small two bedroom apartment, and the rest of my family was out of the house.

I wasn't expecting much from the film, but about half way through the movie, there was a sex scene between a girl and the most beautiful boy I had ever seen. He had these dark, mysterious, piercing eyes, dirty blond/brown straight but shaggy hair, and a lithe smooth, skater-esque body. He reminded of my grade school crush, Joel Poirrier (details in a later post).

Anyway, the scene is stuck in my head even to this day. First, the girl (I dont' remember a single detail about her), took off his shirt in one swift movement in a dimly lit room. He had to arch his body back slightly to get the shirt off, which emphasized every part of his body. She aggressively pushed him onto the bed and kissed him on the lips. Then, she proceeded to go down his body and kiss his nipples. Cut to a close up of that. Part of the huge fascination was in the boy's nipples. He had these perfectly placed, and perfectly sized purple nipples. Remember that I was small, I always thought that a guy exposing his nipples was the same sin as the woman exposing her breast. I even remember joking with my brother that a woman who exposed her shoulders was showing too much skin.

A few more seconds of her slowly kissing down his body and then the scene dissapointingly ends. I remember initially being shocked by what I had just seen. I didn't know what sex was, nor what they were doing. I never managed to finish the rest of the movie. For the week that I had the movie rental, whenever I got the chance, I would fast forward to the scene and watch it in fascination, concentrating on every facet of what the girl was doing to my boy. I can't remember clearly, but I remember being incredibly jealous. I wanted him. I wanted to be the one kissing him, caressing him.

Presently, I have not managed to figure out if the movie I remember watching was actually the Wishmaster. I have not seen the scene ever again.

  ¶ 1:11 PM 0 comments

  A bit of background: Recently, I celebrated my 22 birthday. Graduated from college in May 2004, but currently unemployed. I am a gay male, but I have never had sexual relations with another person, not even a kiss. During high school, I was overweight, topping out at about 220 pounds. In the past four years, I have tried to turn my life around; eating right and working out to reach a weight of 160 pounds. A lot of my issues that I am working on have to deal with my body, my self esteem and my sexuality. I still have some ways to go, but hopefully, I can use this tool as a means to that end.

Reading what I have written, it sounds like I am a social retard. Think what you want, but don't feel sorry for me or even pity me. I have decent group of beautiful friends and family who I feel comfortable and feel at home with. I am truly blessed in other aspects of life, for which I am eternally grateful.

Hopefully, what I would like to achieve from this is to establish a sort of communication with the world (or just the abyss of the internet) in terms of my sexuality. Share my personal stories, triumphs, and struggles with others who are facing the same things as I am.

With all that's going on in the world, it seems to be a selfish endeavour, but it's a personal crisis that has caused me great pain and agony over the past few years. If I am stuck at this hurdle, I am not able to go out and pursue my real passion nor do any good in this world.

In the meantime, I am striving to be candid, exposed, raw and truthful about my life. All I can give right now is just to be real.  ¶ 10:53 AM 5 comments

  Why this? A couple of months back, I stumbled onto the world of blogging and got a kick out of reading about other people's lives. Then, I started to write my own, but discovered that because I had given my friends access to the site, I couldn't write whatever I wanted. A lot of the time, the subjects I wrote about were shallow, stupid and ultimately boring. Originally, I had started to the project in an effort to face some of my demons, but in the end, I retreated back into my own shell.

This is a new start. I have created a certain degree of anonymity for myself so that I can use this forum to try and open up to the world. And so, here I begin...  ¶ 10:48 AM 2 comments

  About Me: Usually, the quizzes that I have taken seem to describe me pretty well because I always answer with the utmost honesty. Here is a little about me.

eXpressive: 2/10
Practical: 5/10
Physical: 5/10
Giver: 0/10


You are a RPYT--Reserved Practical Physical Taker. This makes you a Stoic.

You are intelligent, rugged, disciplined and profound. Even if you're saddled with a desk job, you are starving for the outdoors. You are very slow to warm up to people, and people are slow to warm up to you, but once they know you they never forget you.

You do not get much attention from your target sex, and this means you can feel unloved or unwanted. This is not the case! You are just a hard nut to crack, and your social anxiety leaves you overlooked or outside the frame altogether. What is good for you is increments of low-interaction group activity, like sports or outdoor work. The person who can chop wood with you will melt your heart.

In a long term relationship, you are loving and devoted. You are calm in a conflict until your partner presses your buttons -- it's never the problem at hand that gets under your skin, but how your partner handles it. Don't take offense! Sometimes it's just the only way your partner knows how to express things.

You would never cheat, and your approach to sex is conventional and almost prudish. But sex for you is a release and a necessity of life, and you have a sense of entitlement about it that can be trouble. Make sure your partner is comfortable and satisfied -- by communicating both in and out of the bedroom -- and you will be more satisfied yourself.

You may take a lot of what your partner does for granted. Make a special effort to reward and validate him/her, and you will be repaid in spades.

You have nice legs.

Of the 1864 people who have taken this quiz, 2.5 % are this type.



You can get your own results to this survey here:
http://hokev.brinkster.net/quiz/default.asp  ¶ 8:42 PM 0 comments